Dive Into Deep Point Of View!

Oftentimes, when dealing with critique partners or editors, you’ll hear the phrase, “deep Point Of View.” What is deep POV? It’s getting so deep into your characters’ shoes you not only experience their five senses, but their innermost thoughts as well. As if the author has become the character and isn’t just writing about him/her. Sounds complicated? It’s an acquired art, but totally do-able… with practice.

A few things to remember with POV, deep or otherwise.

1. Avoid distance words such as, “She saw,” “He heard,” “she smelled,” “he felt,” etc. “She smelled smoke.” can easily become, “Smoke tickled her nostrils.” “He heard her approach.” works better as, “Her high heels clicked over the marble tiles.” And “She saw the birds fly overhead,” more clearly sets the scene when, “A flock of geese flew across the chambray sky.”

2. If the POV character doesn’t know about it, you can’t tell the reader about it. This is probably one of the most glaring errors I’ve seen in contest entries and excerpts for editing. Lines such as, “Jenna didn’t notice when Sheila slipped the knife into her sleeve.” are impossible if you’re writing in Jenna’s POV. If we’re in Sheila’s POV, you could go deeper by saying something like, “While she kept her gaze locked on Jenna’s face to distract her, Sheila slipped the knife into her sleeve. Jenna never blinked. Good. She hadn’t noticed.”

3. Use “anchors.” Remember balance? Well, sometimes the easy cheat is the best. Words like, “obviously,” “suggested,” “apparently,” and “seemed” can keep you firmly in one character’s head, but divulge information about a different character. “Louisa apparently didn’t get the joke. She frowned and shook her head slowly.” “The hair plastered around his head suggested Mark had been caught in the downpour.” “The dog seemed to sense his master’s presence and relaxed his stance.”

4. Exceptions: Certain facial expressions and body movements can be told from either side of the POV coin. If Joe smiles, he knows he’s smiling. And Daphne can see him smile. Same with frowns, furrowed or arched brows, narrowed or rolled eyes, snorts, smirks, stiffened spines, fisted hands, and good old-fashioned foot-stomping. To save your sanity, put yourself in your character’s shoes. Stand up (or sit down, if that’s what your character’s doing), face the wall (or your dog, your desk, or any object except something that reflects), and act out whatever you’re writing. If you can feel yourself do it, you can write it in your character’s POV.  

In deep POV, you’re not only following the four rules outlined above, you’re using your POV character’s voice and thoughts to communicate the message, as if (s)he is talking directly to the reader,  without the fourth wall of words on a page.

For example, in standard POV, you might see the following paragraph:

Maggie lifted the hood on her rust-pitted ’67 Camaro and stifled a curse. She’d promised her nephew she’d stop using bad words, but a five-year-old couldn’t possibly understand the sheer frustration that could only be soothed by a loud expletive at the right time. The damn car was deader than her love life. Since the radio still played, her battery wasn’t the culprit this time. A bead of sweat rolled down from her hairline and, on a sigh, she brushed her arm across her forehead to wipe it away. The urge to swear overwhelmed her. Mumbling a quick apology to Steven, she shouted out, “Shiiiiitttt!”

Now, let’s rewrite this paragraph with a little deep POV:

Maggie lifted the hood on her rust-pitted ’67 Camaro and stifled a curse. She’d promised her nephew she’d stop using bad words, but a five-year-old couldn’t possibly understand the sheer frustration that could only be soothed by a loud expletive at the right time. The damn car was deader than her love life. The radio still played Let’s Groove by Earth, Wind & Fire.

Not likely. No grooving would commence tonight or any other night in the near future. Not with this extinct dinosaur as her main transportation. At least her battery wasn’t the culprit this time. Maybe the starter? The alternator? Who knew? Who cared? The upshot was still the same: Maggie was wheels-down in the middle of nowhere.

A bead of sweat rolled down from her hairline and, on a sigh, she brushed her arm across her forehead to wipe it away. Sorry, Steven, but sometimes a gal’s gotta let go. “Shiiiiittt!”

Notice how, particularly in the second-to-last sentence, Maggie is no longer just a one-dimensional figure in the story: she's become a live actor in the play going on around her, telling the reader exactly what's in her thoughts without the barrier of "she thought" or "She said a silent apology to her nephew." I didn't even acknowledge that "Steven" is actually Maggie's nephew, but the reader instantly infers it, simply by the way she mentions his name in that statement.

Deep POV can help you:

1.                  Reveal a character’s secret:

“I can’t believe we haven’t met before now.”

In mid-sip, Maggie nearly choked on her Coke. Yeah, right. Wouldn’t Jake be shocked if he knew she drove past his house every morning before work, in the hopes they might run into each other?

2.                  Reveal a character’s internal conflict:

The man had a pet cockatiel. Of course, he did. Because Maggie had been terrified of birds since that escapade at the petting zoo when she was six.

3.                  Reveal characteristics of a non-POV character:

This was the woman Jake called down-to-earth and uncomplicated? This perfectly-coiffed ice blonde with five-hundred dollar shoes and a bag to match? Was the man an idiot? Or did her 36DD boobs blind him to the truth? Because despite what Jake thought, Lucinda was a superficial, snotty, money-grubber. Maggie had seen her type a thousand times before.

Keep practicing. As you write your story, become your POV character and directly connect your thoughts to your reader. Imagine yourself sitting in a local Starbucks or restaurant with a friend across the table from you. You, as your character, are conveying what happened to you that day, last week, or when you jumped back to the 15th century. Then just write down what you would say, exactly as you would say it. Don't worry about using all five senses or noting the friend's reaction. Get the dialogue down first. You can always go back and layer in actions and reactions during edit/revision phase.

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